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November 17th, 2004, 06:39 PM
#1
Inactive Member
Ok im going to post this here because i no how honest you guys in your opinions of things.
Last week my girl friend of two years, who i loved very dearly finished with me - this is sort of half a poem half not, but it will be used as a voice over for a for a film im making on my feelings of the brake up.
This is the first time ive written something like this, and its all stright from my heart. Please let me know what you think
"I dream of you and weep at fears, tears of loneliness, lost love, broken hearts.
Without your presence, the love of your soul, carrying on, with out being whole.
Quite and alone, cold and dark. I?m dieing inside.
You?ve left your mark, imprinted upon my soul. With out you, my heart darkens, as black and hard as Cole. Unattainable to all but you. Your touch warming, inspiring, life bringing.
I cant believe you left, two lovers made one whole, now ones gone, hope removed, despair in its place, leaving a boy without his soul.
Your voice echo?s, reminders everywhere. I?m dieing inside.
We could be happy again, you and me forever, love replacing the pain.
I no longer know what to do, but to sit here, wishing for a love, thinking of you.
Come back to me, ill do my best, your happiness is my concern,
Baby I miss you, everything from your touch, to your smile, to your soft sent. We used to be so happy together, you and me against the world. Soul mates in a loveless time. I never imagined id be alone again. I miss you, I miss your love."
Thanks guys
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November 17th, 2004, 08:29 PM
#2
Inactive Member
I recently split from a long time girl and I have to say that that is one of the most beutiful, eloquent, and heartfelt messages I have ever read. I sums up exactly how I felt at that time.
Use it, and use it well.
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I think I'm going to cry.
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November 17th, 2004, 10:43 PM
#3
Inactive Member
It's very nice. I don't think anyone's in any position to critisise this my friend, it definitely sounds like it's straight from the heart- so don't change a word.
The best advice anyone ever gave me on writing is to write what you know about...
[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]
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November 18th, 2004, 08:46 PM
#4
Inactive Member
So, basically, you're saying you're turning into a zombie from the inside out?
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